To Grandma's house we...errr....um...

I was caught in a neighbor war.

I lived very pleasantly next door to a family who had owned their house for several generations. Next to them was an very old, run down home. When the neighbor living their died, a couple came around looking at the home. They seemed very sweet, quiet, and polite. They eventually tracked down the family of the neighbor who died, and bought the home, saying it reminded them of "grandma's house". They also tried to buy my neighbors home, for "family".

As soon as they owned it, though, they razed it to the ground. So much for grandma's house! In it's place they erected TWO town homes, living in one and selling the other to family. They also paved the bit of yard that was left, using it to park 3 cars on risers and a boat...in their front yard. They said it was more "EnviromInt friendly. Cause you don't gotta to use water on cement". Then they began to "suggest" that my neighbor do the same, because, "Grass messes up our yard (cement). And it's dirty." They would stand on their deck, which they had built right outside my neighbors bedroom, and carry on about how horrible her home looked and how happy our town should be that THEY were here to improve the city's image. They would hold parties till 5 am almost every night, and "accidentally" let their garbage fall over the fence into my neighbors lawn...as if it would jump over a 5 foot fence by accident. They would hold parties to invite out of town friends to move in...every time saying that their whole block was moving soon, and these "practically abandoned" homes would be available to build on soon.

My next door neighbor retaliated in fine fashion. She was well-known for her work with the local environment. As such, she began to take tours around our town, showing how locals where helping or harming the environment. Her neighbors homes were always the last stop in the "harming" part of the tour. She was also able to get enough support from our neighborhood to have a large compost area in her backyard...right next to our neighbors living and bedroom. It was worth the smell to watch our neighbors try and not vomit.

The last was when our neighbors contacted a friend who worked for a regional home magazine. They asked to have their home featured in an article detailing how they were "rejuvenating" our town. They neither worked in the town nor took part in anything related to town repair or rebuilding....in fact they had shut the door on the local Red Cross when they asked for volunteers to help the hurricane victims. They told them to "help their own damn selves...it's not our problem".

On the day of the photo shoot, the family awoke and walked outside...to find my next door neighbors home painted wild, hideous shades. It had orange splatter on the roof, green and purple shutters, pink steps, brown stripes...you name it, it was on there. My neighbor also planted HUGE plastic flamingos in the yard, and hung wind chimes from every window. Try as he might, the photographer could not get a single good shot of the home without including that eyesore because they had built so close to her, and trying to photo shop left a huge blank spot next to the house. His boss decided to have an article on our "quirky" town instead, and my next door neighbor was showcased on the cover as "artsy" and "bohemian".

The nasty neighbors were gone soon after, saying that no one here "appreciated" them.